Craig Speaks...



Download Craig, anything you want to say?

Monroe - 'Craig, anything you want to say?'
Craig - 'Yes, thankyou Sir. You lot know Sunhill, so I'll be learning from you, so, please, no practical jokes, no wind ups, and no showing off. If we all get on with our jobs, we will be the best of friends. Other than that, lets just get out there and make it up as we go along. Oh, and by the way, in case you are wondering the rumours are all true, I am a poof. Ok?'


Download Consider this...

Craig - 'Consider this to be your first and last warning. If you wanna take the piss out of me, do it to my face, but do not EVER use my sexuality to wind up the male officers, is that understood?'
Cass & Vicky - 'Sarge.'


Download Stitch up.

Craig - 'It works like this Marky. You stitch up one of my officers, and I'll will stitch you up, only I'll do it properly.'

Download Direct order.

Tony - 'I think I disobeyed a direct order back there, Sarge.'
Craig - 'Yeah, don't do it again, Constable. Time for a nice cup of tea, eh?'


Download Pecker up.

Craig - 'You're off on the CID operation, are you?'
Tony - 'Sarge.'
Craig - 'With the SO19 boys?'
Tony - 'Yeah.'
Craig - 'Well I think I will come with you.'
Tony - 'Sarge.'
Craig - 'You can tell me to get lost, but I thought you might need someone to help you keep your pecker up.'


Download I am a...

Craig - 'Ok, well let's get it all out in the open, shall we? I'm a shirt-lifting, uphill gardener, who used to work in a fludge packing factory. I'm a sausage jockey, a bender, a fruit, a bum bandit. I drop my anchor in a forgein port, I picnic in the shade, I bat for the other team. Mo, homo, ginger beer, queer, queen, any I've left out?'
Des - 'No, I think that just about covers it.'
Craig - 'What I am not, is a push over. You may not like what I am, and I may not like what you are, but I have got the stripes, and you haven't.'


Download Omelette.

Craig - 'No worries then, you can't make an omelette without breaking a few legs.'
June - 'Well aren't you..?'
Craig - 'What?'
June - 'I thought you would be...'
Craig - 'I may be in touch with my feminine side, June, but I have still got hairs on my chest and a full lunch box.'
June - 'Boys will be boys, that's it, is it?'
Monroe - 'JUNE!'


Download Polititians.

Monroe - 'We're here for one reason, and one reason only.'
Craig - 'To make the polititians look good.'
Nick - 'That's right, Sarge.'


Download Boy Dog.

Terry - 'I think he likes you.'
Craig - 'Well, it is a boy dog.'


Download Hywel's line in 'Shakespear in Love'.

Hywel - 'Musicians don't eat, Sir Roberts orders.'

Download Blue Suede Shoes.

Craig - 'Reg! You look all set, what's in the bag? Brothel Creepers?'
Reg - 'No, it's my blue suede shoes.'
Craig - 'Oh, I'll try not to step on them.'
Reg - 'Very good. I'll try to remember that.'


Download I was just born that way.

Nick - 'Tell me sommit. How can you not fancy that?'
Craig - 'Some say it's nature, some say it's nurture. Me, I was just born that way.'


Download Pole.

Nick - 'Well seriously though Craig, doesn't she do anything for ya?'
Craig - 'Look, I'm just more interested in the pole, alright?'


Download Winning an Argument.

Eva - 'But why bother asking my opinion, if you're gonna end up pulling rank?'
Craig - 'Why don't you just do as I ask?'
Eva - 'Look, Sarge. Why don't I go back to the Post Office where Jodie tried to cash the Giro, see what I can find out?'
Craig - 'Does your old man *ever* win an argument?'
Eva - 'Course not, don't be daft!'


Download Well Done Craig.

Jack - 'Well done Craig'
Craig - 'Well, it's pretty much down to Eva, Gov.'
Eva - 'Sergeant Gilmore's being too modest'
Craig - 'Not at all. I just did what I was told'
Jack - 'As bad as that, eh?'
Craig - 'Well, I'm looking forward to my next stint in Custody.'


Download Have a Go.

Craig - 'Have a go, Boyden, if you think you're hard enough. But I warn you, I will win.'

Download Childrens Books.

Craig - 'Childrens Books! You dark horse, Matt Boyden, I've got you all wrong.'
Matt - 'What do you mean?'
Craig - 'You do have a sensitive side, I like that in a man.'


Download Bunch of Carnations.

Matt - 'Was this you?'
Craig - 'Oh come on Matt, you're worth much more than some 3.99 bunch of Carnations, Orchids or Tiger Lily's at least. Special flowers, for special people.'


Download PMT.

Matt - 'What's wrong with her? Industrial strength PMT?'
Craig - 'I get the impression she's fed up with men.'
Matt - 'All the more for you!'
Craig - 'Sorry Matt, I'm feeling a little pre-menstrual myself.'
Matt - 'Git!'


Download Wicked Witch.

Craig - 'Careful Luke, she's still your superior.'
Luke - 'Come on Sarge! You know what I mean.'
Craig - 'Actually, yeah I do. Why don't you get back out on the beat for the rest of your shift. Change of scenary, finish this tomorrow.'
Luke - 'But what about the Inspector?'
Craig - 'You leave the Wicked Witch to me.'
Inspector - 'Sergeant Gilmore...'



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