Frank Speaks...



Download Mouthpiece

Man - 'He wants me at the press conference to field questions.'
Burnside - 'Well that'll be a novelty, an arsehole acting as a mouthpiece.'


Download Fancy a Biriani?

Man - 'I'm a police officer, right?!'
Burnside - 'And I'm Mother Theresa of Calcutta, fancy a Biriani?'


Download One Legged Man.

Burnside - 'It'll mean you'd be about as much use to me as a one legged man in an arse kicking contest.'

Download Top 10 Hardmen, show opening.

Download Chris introducing Burnside at No3.

Download Everything you wanted to know about Burnside.

This file is over 3 megs, I tried to make it smaller, but there's alot of chat there.

Download Show End.

Download Limmerick

Burnside - 'The boy stood on the burning deck, eating red hot scollops. One fell down his trouser leg, and burnt him on the foot.'

Download Gay Bars.

Burnside - 'I tell ya what, I've had my fill of trawling gay bars.'
Meadows - 'Not enjoying your work then?'
Burnside - 'I feel about as welcome as a fart in a spacesuit.'


Download Fat Lip.

Transvestite - 'What's wrong with your Dad? Isn't he having a good time? Not been molested or anything, I hope?'
Burnside - 'Have a look around, you notice anyone with a fat lip?'


Download Frank singing.

Burnside - Singing...
Lady - 'He's very good, isn't he?'
2nd Lady - 'Hey, who would have thought?'
Liz - 'Who indeed!'


Download Frank singing.

Burnside - Singing...

Download Strangers in the night.

Burnside - 'Then maybe hit a nightclub and try and unwind.'
Liz - 'Sounds like you've got it all planned out, Frank. What you planning on singing this time? Something from the Lighthouse Family?'
Burnside - 'I was thinking of Strangers in the Night, as a duet.'
Liz - 'Strangers in the Night wasn't a duet.'
Burnside - 'Well, it could be..'



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